badfic of DOOM!
by PrincessKitty-Chan
Summary: The Mary Sue fanfiction to hopefully END ALL MARY SUES! A mustread for new writers, and a source of humor for experienced writers. Perhaps the genre should be horror...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Thank God I donít own Mary Sue. Although, I will admit that I used to write them when I was extremely young and naiive. And I donít own any of the worlds Mary corrupts.****

Authorís notes: Indeed, this is the Mary Sue to (hopefully) end all Mary Sues. For ameatures, this fanfiction will work as a guide (in other words, donít do what I do). For experienced writers, this should be entertaining. For the author, this is PURE TORTURE! I HOPE YOUíRE ALL HAPPY! Every sentence serves a purpose, so please pay special attention. Let the torment begin:

**Chapter 1**

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Mary Sue who was loved by all. She had long brown hair with golden streaks. Not to say that she streaks or anything. And she had red eyes and blue lips-- er, I mean blue eyes and red lips. Yes, her lips were nicely red-- not _blood_ red or anything. Anyway, she was wearing her school uniform which was a blue sailor shirt with a red tie. And her blue miniskirt was ruffled. Not to say the skirt was upset or anything; that was just the style. And she was wearing socks and underwear. And a bra-- that matched. Because no Mary Sue is complete without matching undergarments.

One day, she decided to take a walk in the park. There she saw her boyfriend from China who broke up with her for a girl who was much prettier. _Even_ though Mary Sue was the prettiest girl in the world.

And walking with her ex-boyfriend was his new girlfriend. They were kissing. While walking. They were very talented.

Mary Sue fell on her knees in anguish. And all her friends -- wait, she had _friends! Yes, _of **course **she had friends. And they all wore pink. Even the guys. Not to say that the guys were gay. Because they all wanted to date Mary Sue. Except for the girls.

Anyway, all her ì_friends_î rushed to Mary Sueís side to support her in her time of need.

Renewed, the brave girl bravely wiped the cowardly tears from her eyes. ìThanks guys,î she said bravely to her brave, pink-clad friends.

ìNo problem,î they all said at once and dissappeared into a cloud of pink smoke. To match their outfits. Because even though Mary Sue had friends, nobody really liked her.

Mary skipped cheerfully to school, even though it was a Saturday. She arrived in class in time to greet her ìfriends.î

Her teacher smiled brightly at her. ìHello, Mary.î

ìHello, teacher!î Mary waved happily. They stood there and stared at each other, trying to figure out what to say next.

ìYouíre here early,î said the teacher. Yes, Mary was two days early.

ìOh, Iím glad. What can I do to help?î offered Mary Sue.

ìYou can help me carry these things to my car,î the teacher smiled. Well, the smile was downright scary, but Mary complied.

As they walked outside, Mary loyally followed behind her teacher. The walk to the teacherís parking lot was long and Mary began to sweat. The whole world grew hazy.

Without realizing it, Mary Sue tripped and fell into an interdimensional portal. She landed right in the arms of Legolas!

Legolasí horse jumped in surprise. ìI donít believe Iíve met you before,î Legolas said, staring at the girl that suddenly appeared in his arms.

Mary opened her mouth to answer, but she was so overcome that she fell asleep right in the hot bishounenís arms! Yes, he was that boring!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I still claim I donít own Mary Sue! Sheís an abomination, unwittingly written by poor writers who know nothing about writing. And I donít own Lord of the Rings, because why in Middle Earth would I inflict Mary upon my own story!

**Personal Apology:** I personally apologize to , the writer of Lord of the Rings. Iím sorry I am about to corrupt your story. Please donít hunt me down and kill me!****

Authorís notes: Now we go into the part that may kill me: spelling mistakes (among other things).

**Chapter 2**

**  
**Mary groaned and her eyes fluttered open. She found herself (Hi, self!) in an unfamiliar bedroom on an unfamiliar bed. Just as she was about to point her finger upwards, and come up with an incredibly brilliant remark, the door swung open. Legolas strided in, carrying a tray.

Legolas smiled down at her. ìI see that youíre awake,î he commented -- quick-witted as ever.

ìOh, uh, yes, I-î Mary stamired. When she came back to her senses, she remembered her brilliant remark. ìWhere am I?î Her pink-clad friends reappeared in a puff of pink smoke to give her a round of applause before dissappearing once more, without a trace.

Legolas blushed. ìThis is my bedroom,î he said. Because it made perfect sense to bring her here, and not to the nearby doctor. (Perhaps he had other intentions?)

They stared at each other, trying to figure out what to say next. The authoress repeatedly hit herself over the head with a nearby textbook, for she should be doing homework right now, not writing crappy fanfictions. The fourth wall began to crumble.

ìTea?î Legolas offered, with his poetic use of language.

ìYes, please,î Mary said, staring about herself in awww.

Legolas picked up a tea cup that had patterns of flowers and birds and adorable woodland creatures that were not from Middle Earth. Legolas picked up the tea pot. Legolas tipped the tea pot, and poured the tea into the cup. Legolas accidently spilled some of the tea (because we all know how terrible his aim is) on Mary Sue.

Mary Sue screamed as the hot water burned. It didnít burn really. It only hurt but it hurt enough to make her screech. It made her skin red, though. But it only hurt for a minute.

Legolas gasped. ìIím sorry are you okay!11oneoneî he said worrydly. ìIím so clumbsy!î

Mary Sue smiled. ìIím okay.î she said. Their faces drew closer together (because nothing is more romantic than a hot bishounen burning you with boiling water). Mary stopped for a moment.

ìWeíve got the room to ourselfís,î Legolas said.

As Mary resumed, she leaned forward. Suddenly, her burns (more like red marks) began to glow. ìHuh?î she wondered aloud. Suddenly, her whole body was surrounded by a glowing red light. Legolas seemed farther away. Suddenly, everything around her began to dissappear all together. Suddenly, Mary Sue found herself in a different world.

**MSTís, alternate ideas, and alternate endings  
**I think I deserve the right to MST my own fanfiction! After all, Iím putting up with writing this thing.

Legolas accidently spilled some of the tea on Mary Sue.

Me: BURN, BITCH!

Mary Sue screamed as the hot water burned

Rebecca: her clothing off.  
Himiko: DONíT DRINK THE TEA; ITíS ACID!  
Everyone: blink  
Everyone: DRINK THE TEA!

... Suddenly everything around her began to dissappear all together.

Rebecca: Mary awoke to find herself in pergatory.  
Orenji: ìGolly, the weather sure is pleasant,î Mary remarked.  
Himiko: ìI think Iíve been here before,î she continued.

**Authorís note... again**: Please start giving me ideas of where Mary Sue should invade next. Make it a well-known (and poorly fanfictioned) movie or anime. I always keep two chapters ahead, so your ideas wonít show up for another few chapters. But I really need all the help I can get. Also, if you find any TERRIBLY bad fics, please send them to me. I need inspiration.


End file.
